It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
