Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
