ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
