Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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