I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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