and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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