please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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