Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
