so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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