When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Terrible idea I love it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
