So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
