Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
