using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
