it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
