my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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