Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
