i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
