tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
