i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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