I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
