I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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