So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
