I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
