OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
