I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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