If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
