Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
