as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
