Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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