So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
