Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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