Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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