he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
