Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
