She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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