You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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