Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
