He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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