I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
