Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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