Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
