P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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