Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
