my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
