If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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