my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
