Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
