I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
