I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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