My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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