my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
