We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
