I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
