woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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