WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Send help, water and tortillas.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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