I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
