dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
