did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
